2004 Journal Quilts

JANUARY 2004 ---- Music

I signed up to continue getting XM radio after my 3 free months ended. It is a lot like cable TV - lots of stations, but nothing to watch. I tune in to Top Tracks most of the time. Rock oldies - sometimes stuff I've never heard, which is odd, because I think my music background is pretty solid. I like to sing along with the radio, pretending I'm Janis without the drugs. I can sing along with a pretty wide variety of stuff. I grew up in a Baptist family and converted to Catholicism as an adult. Believe me, Baptists have it all over Catholics when it comes to singing in church. Baptists sing hymns, Catholics sing songs written in 1987. Hymns were written long, long ago, in a land far, far away. And I refuse to sing any song in church that was written after I was born.

Another carryover from childhood is my belief that my children should take piano lessons. I've been rethinking this philosophy. I'm tired of being stressed over making them practice, paying a lot for lessons when they don't practice & listening to their piano teacher gripe (not unreasonably) about them. Both girls participated in the Omaha Music Teachers FUNdamentals Fair this weekend. They didn't do as well as they wanted (no trophies) and didn't want to hear that more practice would have improved their results. I wish I had practiced more when I was taking piano lessons. I wish I could sit down and dazzle people with my playing today. Or be the lead singer for a rock band. Hmmm. I'm going to go drive around and sing along with the oldies on Top Tracks.

February 2004 - SNOW

February started with snow on the ground. A big storm on Jan 27th had dumped almost 14 inches on us. Record daily snowfalls on Feb 2nd & 5th and Omaha ended up with 30 inches of snow on the ground - the deepest snow ever recorded here in February. Snow was piled so high along the streets that you could only cross by walking to the nearest driveway. The snowplows did not seem to care that they plowed the carefully shoveled sidewalk paths shut at the corners. For that matter, the drivers seem to delight in speeding down the residential streets with their plows, throwing snow over the 4 foot piles beside the street to fill in the previously carefully cleared sidewalks. And should I go into how many times I cleared the end of our driveway of two foot piles put there by the same sadistic plowmen? My shoulders ached after lifting & throwing snow up onto the 5 foot high pile lining the edges of our driveway. Harkening back to pioneer days, we shoveled paths to the dog run, the bird feeder and the wood pile. Out in the world, parking lots were filled with huge piles of snow blocking vision of any other vehicles that might also be cautiously creeping along, hoping to escape the snow mazes without incident. Later in the month, the trucks that usually move dirt from one location to another were moving snow from these parking lots to empty lots around the city.

The strata of the snowstorms showed clearly where the BIG snow blowers cleared the shoulders. Pristine white snow, a layer of dark car exhaust, another layer of snow, more car poop, more snow. Eventually, the snow along the sides of the streets took on the appearance of dirt. Never thought I would look forward to seeing unmowed weeds and dead grass.

March 2004

This seemed like the month where I didn't get anything done. Not that I didn't DO anything. I was busy 24/7. There were so many things that needed to be done, that HAD to be done, or that someone else wanted me to do. The kind of stuff that doesn't stay done - cleaning, laundry, errands, chauffeuring kids. A TO DO list that never seemed to get done. I'm not sleeping well - my mid-cycle sleep disturbance is back. Cause or effect? Headaches almost every morning. Grouchy, no, bitchy beyond what the situation warranted all too often. Not eating right. Lots of stress eating. Gaining weight. Not enough exercise, not using my time wisely. Too much time wasted on Spider Solitaire or doing nothing.

Somewhere toward the last third of March, I planned some quilting time in my studio. The first day, I wasn't quite sure where to start. I cleaned up a little, put stuff away, thought about what projects I wanted to work on. Then I was able to start sewing. Not only did I make great progress on two projects whose deadlines are fast approaching, but it gave me the feeling of accomplishment I needed. I could wrap my arms around what I had done - see physical proof of time well spent.

I had to force myself to exercise. The treadmill is too easy to ignore, so I started taking Casey for walks. Even if I decide I'm tired of walking, I still have to get myself home. I started writing down my exercise time again. Instead of stressing because I wasn't getting all 70+ items on my TO DO list done. I picked the most important and did as many as I could. I'm eating better, enjoying sex, quilting. Looking forward to April…

April 2004

The 1st Monday in April signals The End of The Void - that period between the final game of the World Series and Opening Day (George Will). I love baseball. Along with other fans, I renew my vows to the sport every spring. Baseball is close to a religion. I support my team, the Cincinnati Reds, win or lose, regardless of where they are in the standings. They may be bums, but they are MY bums. I love going to games and watching them on tv. I keep score when I see a game in person. Always. That started in high school, when I was Official Scorer for the Indian Lake Lakers. I've been to Major League games, AAA games, Arizona Fall League, spring training, high school, college games & Little League games. Parks & Rec games where I didn't know anyone who was playing. I love baseball. Life begins when the season starts.

I've never been to an Opening Day game or seen a Findlay Market Parade. Or thrown out the 1st pitch. Or sung the Star Spangled Banner. Or seen a no-hitter, a triple play or someone hit for the cycle. What have I done? I've seen a play-off game - Philly vs. Atlanta, 1993. The Phillies won that game & went on to win the World Series. I saw Ryne Sandberg hit his 1st career grand slam (San Diego, 1992) & Jose Rijo throw a 2-hitter vs. the Rockies in 1993. I've sat just down the bleachers from Joe Torre, watching an Arizona Fall League game. Me, my son - Josh, a few other fans and a lot of baseball people. I've sung Take Me Out To The Ball Game at least 1000 times.

It's April. Life has begun. Barry Bonds has already hit 9 home runs. Ken Griffey Jr is healthy. My Reds are in contention. The season is young & anything could happen. Play ball!

May 2004

The month of May began with a celebration of the weaving of our lives together on Cinco de Mayo, our anniversary. A challenge - "Your Passions In Quilting" produced a quilt (You Make My Heart Dance) to celebrate our friendship, love and 14 years of marriage. The raw edge technique I used seems to be a reflection of my life. Ragged, raw edges are everywhere. Tendonitis in my right rotator cuff. Hormonal surges. Manic moods - ranging from happy to tears with no apparent influence other than my thoughts. Short term stresses, often (usually!) of my own doing. Last minute compromises for solutions not found. Irritation and anger hovering just below the surface. Multi-tasking to get everything started, always with some tasks left incomplete. Worry about depression and medication. Sometimes I think I should just accept and embrace that black depth which is part of me. Allow it to be there without dwelling on it. Accept that the up side is worth the cost of the darker side. Embrace the Dark Side? Now I'm getting stupid!

And yet, the Dark Side is far from overwhelming. Flowers and color in my gardens reflect my happiness with my life, as well as my personal style, which is best described as "More Is Better". I'm singing "you think that people would have had enough of silly love songs" and "just an old-fashioned love song, playing on the radio" like some dewey-eyed teeny-bopper. My creativity lacks only production time. My quilts burst with color and freshness.

And so I approach the end of May, the end of the school year and so many activities, as a beginning rather than an End.

June 2004

June has been a month filled with DellaJane Hand Dyes "stuff". We did two shows - the Omaha Quilters Guild Show and the Lincoln Quilters Guild Show. Both were disappointing financially. Can we already be at a saturation point of the local market? In Lincoln, I heard "oh look - tie dyed fabric" so many times I wanted to scream. I felt like Don Quixote tilting at windmills after explaining the difference between TIE dyed and HAND dyed so often.

I felt like I should put flowers in my hair, wear frayed bell bottom hip huggers and show off my best illegal smile. I finally started ignoring the comments - they were made by lookers, not buyers!

HAND DYED: the process of dyeing to achieve colors and textures, usually done on high quality white cotton fabric. Both single color and multi-color fabrics can be hand dyed. Base colors can be mixed to create a "new" color or combined on the fabric so that all three colors appear. Texture is created by folding and/or scrunching the fabric during the dyeing process, as well as by manipulation of the fabric after the dye is applied. Most hand dyed fabric has little or no un-dyed (white) areas.

TIE DYED: the process of bunching and tying before dyeing to create a pattern of color, usually done on t-shirts. Multi-colored starbursts or spirals are typical patterns. Tie-dyed shirts often have white space where the dye was not allowed to reach.

July 2004

I took a fabric painting class this month. I thought it would be along the lines of Mickey Lawlor's Skydyes, but it was more stamping on fabric with ink. We used a variety of items (feathers, leaves, grids, anything with texture) to put paint (ink!) onto the fabric. I made a bunch of samples, trying almost everything. My favorite piece was one of my DellaJane Hand Dyes, overstamped with a spiral foam stamp. I really loved the dark and the light shades I created, overflowing the edges of the fabric I was working on, and overlapping the stamped designs.

Afterward, I began to notice how often spirals appear in my everyday life.

The logo for my hand dyed fabrics is a spiral. I collect fabric w/spirals. I have a BUNCH of B&W spiral fabric to overdye. My "inspiration" file includes spirals in suns, jewelry, sketches… I got out the old Spirograph and played with it.

And so, this month is dedicated to spirals. I LOVE spirals!

August 2004

Almost every day, my dog, Casey & I walk a trail which meanders alongside a small creek, behind the housing developments. It is an interesting juxtaposition of urban and rural. We see small wildlife - birds, rabbits & squirrels.

One day, in my peripheral vision, I saw a large ball of white fly across the trail in front of me. It went into the trees which were immediately adjacent to the trail. I heard a mewing sound. My subconscious translated what I had seen. Something had been thrown from one of the backyards on the other side of the trail. It hit & injured a small animal.

I peered into the brush, looking for the source of the mewing sound. I realized it was down at my feet. Looking down, I saw a rabbit less than a foot from me. I reached out and pulled aside the tree branch which was blocking my view. Holding the rabbit, wings still spread, was a hawk. A huge hawk, frozen against the ground. The rabbit mewed again. I looked at the hawk, my mind registering the almost 4 ft wingspan and head the size of a tennis ball. I froze. Casey, at my side, was also frozen, not making a sound. The hawk pulled its' wings in, still holding the rabbit. I stood without moving for about 30 seconds, watching the hawk watch me.

I released the branch and stepped slowly back from the trees. The hawk released the rabbit, which darted across the path at my feet. The hawk flew up to a low branch, about 15 feet away. I could see him clearly now, and we watched each other for a while. I apologized for ruining his dinner, irritated with myself for being a party to the escape of a rabbit. I continued my walk, hoping the hawk would hunt successfully again that day.

I've stopped and looked at the site several times. There is no sign of the hawk or the rabbit or my encounter with them. All through the month, I found feathers along the path. They varied in color and size. My "collection" became this quilt.

September 2004

September has been a month of review. I look back at my first eight Journal Quilts and see how the rules I set for myself got bent more and more as the months went by. I added more color and less writing.

My creative output has been less this year. I reviewed what I have done and am disappointed in myself. I didn't have anything really, really GOOD. I want to concentrate on making GOOD stuff this next year, instead of quickie projects for DellaJane Hand Dyes, challenges, etc. When I make something, it will be my best work, something I WANT to make. I want to avoid projects that are cobbled together to meet a deadline.

Reviewing this month, I have my sh*t all together, I just can't pick it up! No huge conflicts, but overlaps everywhere you look. More a matter of time and priorities not allowing me to get all the i's dotted and the t's crossed. So I keep my stacks neat, my piles of stuff tidy, and hope that October allows me to bring some order back to my surroundings.

Laws of the Month:
Everything tends toward disorder.
An object at rest tends to remain at rest.